14 Comments
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Andrew Smith's avatar

"Last but not least, we are excited to report that 100% of employees are excited to return to the office 5 days a week!

We're gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Saaaaaaaaaaturdaaaaay."

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Sam Colt's avatar

Can't wait for my kidneys to be expensed by HR.

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Andrew Smith's avatar

something something TPS reports, strychnine in the guacamole, stapler

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Kevin Alexander's avatar

I literally have to complete a TPS equivalent every day during the fall & winter. It's as soul-killing as it was in Office Space.

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Andrew Smith's avatar

But does it at least feel good to be a gangster?

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Kevin Alexander's avatar

It totally does. I should also note that we have a copier/fax machine that people would come out of retirement to take a bat to.

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Andrew Smith's avatar

I have reenacted this scene many times.

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nicole mathew's avatar

This is so real, it hurts

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Sam Colt's avatar

Just let the corporate-speak wash over you

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Carla Pettigrew's avatar

This jives perfectly with what I posted today. Such an email to prelude the meeting would have sent me into the bathroom to hide for a minute. Or fifteen. Everyone else would have grumbled about corporate and moved on, had a smoke or a coffee, and done their cogs-in-the-machine. Meanwhile, I would have been mildly panicking about the email, the meeting, and whether or not I make too little eye contact, and am I going to be in the next email. My 24-7 pain weighed against corporate politics…sometimes it’s worth it. Shhh, don’t tell anyone.

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Sam Colt's avatar

My standard for dealing with office politics is to talk about sports or the most normie TV show I can think of, or to crack dad jokes. I'll be CEO in no time.

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Carla Pettigrew's avatar

I process it wrong. I take people at their word, and they usually don’t say what they mean. But I do. Mind games, I tell you.

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Kevin Alexander's avatar

The C-suite at my company never misses a chance to tout their "open door policy" and "transparent leadership." Part of it is announcing these management do-si-dos every few months. All very cool, except there are still, like, 8 layers of management between me and the top. At least. Typing this, I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting a tier or two.

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Sam Colt's avatar

When I worked in the Hancock Tower in my Chicago days, it was completely open office, so you could just walk by all the VPs chillin at their pods. I never actually talked to them, but I could, which was cool.

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