When You Fish For Compliments, Be Careful of What You Catch
A lesson in fucking around and finding out.
“How old do you think we are?” a lady coworker asks me. I’m only two weeks into this new job and this is my first night out with my cubicle neighbors and I am the only male at a round pub table pitted against the casual gender resentment of four adult women. I’m a few Old Fashioneds and Miller High Lifes deep and I haven’t eaten in at least six hours, so I’m tiptoeing around a set of hidden bear traps while heat-seeking missiles are streaking through the air. There’s no way any of them are younger than 25—there’s too much pain in their eyes. However, if I overshoot by anything over two years, that would likely constitute an HR violation, so I’ll have to be as diplomatic as a mildly buzzed person can be and take The Price is Right approach.
“All of you look lovely,” I flatter. “No way any of you are older than 27.”
Three of the four ladies smile and blush and seem satisfied with the facile, but earnestly polite compliment. The one who asked the question appears insatiable.
“Even me?” she continues to inquire.
I’m no mind-reader, but I’ll gander she’s over 30, but looks exquisite for her age and she knows it. She’s likely been burned by older men and craves affirmation from a younger guy, probably because she is frustrated with the fierce competition against more youthful females for the men she wants to attract—i.e., a stable job, a competent adult, not emotionally stunted, is capable of brushing their teeth every morning.
Among the most unattractive qualities I find in people, neediness is up there with entitlement and willful ignorance. I neither have the patience nor the sobriety required to deal with a simultaneous superiority and inferiority complex.
“Well, I’m going to guess you’re over 30, but you definitely don’t look it,” I respond. “And you know that, which is why you’re asking me. You want to hear how stunning you look from a younger guy because that’s more of an ego boost to you, a fountain of youth deal.”
She sipped her espresso martini and didn’t speak for another hour.
I loved scenes like this.
When I was in my early 20s almost all of my relationships were women in their mid thirties'’ who were going through a major crisis.
I would listen, be great in bed, be clean and obedient, but also enough of a bad ass to keep things interesting to the jealous and confused friends.
They would drive me round, make me food, buy me things and the sex was unbelievable.
These years taught me so much about women that I went on to be a very highly sought after women’s counsellor.
I Recommend this to all young men, follow my example. It will set you up in life.
Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.
how old am i?