So we're wearing diapers to own the libs?

It finally happened. It finally fucking happened. They will do anything for him.

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The one thing I absolutely do not want to do, as a newsletter that covers both politics and topics that are not about politics, is to find myself in what journos in the biz call “What the Fuck is Happening in America, And Have You Seen Kendrick Bodying Drake Lately?” My god-given freedom to write about whatever I want is inherently also my god-given freedom to go off on some bizarre tangents and torpedo down various rabbit holes into some pure degenerate nonsense. This past week in America has been so impossibly, perfectly confounding that it almost defies description—even by the high standard set in recent years—and I have gone into this edition of This is a Newsletter! with a lot of perplexing realizations jangling around in my skull, even by the high standards I have personally set by mainlining internet content. This has made its way to today’s rant, leading to a newsletter that will be me half seething about inbred halfwits and the other half a good-natured consideration of how hilarious it is to watch my political antithesis trapped in an endless and ever-escalating spiral of projection and self-unawareness.

Well, brown is the new orange.

Donald Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen, tweeted last month: “Hey Von ShitzInPantz…your attacks of me stink of desperation. We are all hoping that you take the stand in your defence.” Given the gaudy allure of hair-trigger contrarianism, some of the most reliably out-of-pocket chuds this country has ever produced are finally embracing the fact that their Glorious Leader cannot control his bowels and likely wears adult diapers, so they have to convince themselves that they are owning the libs by parading around MAGA rallies extolling the masculine virtues of wearing boom-boom catchers. Even if his devotees are trying to brand incontinence as a staunch and defiant stand against wokeism or whatever, Trump must be absolutely livid that this long-suppressed rumor is finally gaining traction. So when the next pandemic hits, will these “real men” wear “face diapers?”

The variously fraught and conflicted decision-making behind sufficiently proving your culture war alliegance is hard to understand, to be honest. Most politics junkies navigate the conflict between common sense and the lore or theatrics or tradition in a partisan bloodsport that is institutionally and constitutionally averse to the former and besotted with the latter. There are externalities that bear on all this, and there is the challenge of admitting that all that variance or unpredictability even exists, but there is no rationalizing the defence or even support for Lena Dunham’s Sensual Pantsuit Anthem or opting out of Covid vaccines to guzzle your own urine.

When reflexive opposition supplants any sincerely held principles, in most contexts, this would be a load-bearing pillar of fascist mentality, as it could lead to a perverse rationalization of some truly depraved actions from the political party you root for, as long as it defeats a greater enemy. However, any grown adult who consciously chooses to wear a diaper in public might fall beneath the IQ threshold to warrant such analysis. If Barack Obama extolled the benefits of breathing, these idiots would aspyxiate themselves out of spite. If Donald Trump declared breathing to be “leftist wokism,” these idiots would asphyxiate themselves out of loyalty. These are the same people, had they lived in London during World War II, would have left their lights on during a bombing raid because Trump said so.

The average Democrat normie may have the sense of humor of a Suicide Hotline employee, but at least they successfully co-opted “Let’s Go Brandon” into a meme that their base could rally behind. This severely pissed off the right, since this was supposed to be their Epic burn on Joe Biden. But in contrast to politics-related humor, this retaliation—and what is supposed to be the MAGA attempt at Dark Brandon—scans as a desperate gambit and hamfisted attempt to take all the Trump wears diapers cuz he smells like hot butt jokes and flip it on its head. But they are riffing on a bit with the same lack of imagination and social awareness that bleeds into every amorphous right-wing grievance: Make wearing adult diapers hyper-masculine and then pretend it has always been this way. They are mocking themselves without having enough self-distance to realize this.

The upshot in all of this is these people are marks kept in a rage dopamine chase until the next commercial break on Fox News, trapped in a grift-amenable frenzy. Next up: Poop for sale!! Get yer Trump Lumps™️!! MAGA snowflakes desperate to show the rest of America how unique and special they are, red pilled from the liberal media narrative of functional sphincters and unloading your feces in more appropriate places.

So when will the Official Trump Diapers hit the market? Depends…

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