You're very skilled at communicating emotion in your writing, deliberately creating an intended emotional state in the reader.
The baby's crowning is easily the best paragraph. I've witnessed childbirth, it's a transcendentally beautiful experience of love and renewal. You made it feel horrifying, without being kitschy or ironically detaching from the moment. I've never seen that done before.
But I think you made a mistake in the following paragraphs. The doctors are social functions with human occupants. They are not societal actors, they are replaceable components. The horror does not originate with them. It begins prior to the narrative, when abortion is outlawed, but capital, that demonic societal acid, persists. When it erodes and breaks and consumes the love between a mother and her newborn child.
Ah shit but now I'm rereading it and beginning to see it as an elaborate riff on "D says gun violence bad", "R says abortion to get rid of babies bad" how about we use the guns on the babies? Which, the bit absolutely works, like sure we'll let a doctor pump a 12 gauge into your baby like a crippled goose, but only if you've got health insurance to pay for it is a very funny bit
Thanks for your feedback! Yeah, I definitely wanted to touch on the idea of "compromise," which is just Democrats doing what Republicans want under the guise of getting things done.
You're very skilled at communicating emotion in your writing, deliberately creating an intended emotional state in the reader.
The baby's crowning is easily the best paragraph. I've witnessed childbirth, it's a transcendentally beautiful experience of love and renewal. You made it feel horrifying, without being kitschy or ironically detaching from the moment. I've never seen that done before.
But I think you made a mistake in the following paragraphs. The doctors are social functions with human occupants. They are not societal actors, they are replaceable components. The horror does not originate with them. It begins prior to the narrative, when abortion is outlawed, but capital, that demonic societal acid, persists. When it erodes and breaks and consumes the love between a mother and her newborn child.
Ah shit but now I'm rereading it and beginning to see it as an elaborate riff on "D says gun violence bad", "R says abortion to get rid of babies bad" how about we use the guns on the babies? Which, the bit absolutely works, like sure we'll let a doctor pump a 12 gauge into your baby like a crippled goose, but only if you've got health insurance to pay for it is a very funny bit
Thanks for your feedback! Yeah, I definitely wanted to touch on the idea of "compromise," which is just Democrats doing what Republicans want under the guise of getting things done.