16 Comments
User's avatar
Kit's avatar

Ah yes the Mall, I could try things on, and return them. Deal with the gatekeepers of Penny's and Dillards, and if all else failed console myself in the food court by eating a cookie the size of a Semi Tractor Trailer Hubcap.

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Sam Colt's avatar

At least you could make fun of everyone who shops at Hot Topic and Abercrombie. Strawberry’s was dope tho.

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Tina Stolberg's avatar

And remember the sad little indoor playgrounds for the tots while mommy or daddy shopped? Cesspools of germs and plastic.

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Sam Colt's avatar

Yeah but the ball pits are LEGENDARY

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Kit's avatar

better still massage chair banks where you paid with quarters or near the end some took your credit and debit cards but put a hundred dollar hold against your funds for five minutes in those chairs as if you’d just committed a crime like a gas drive off.

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Paul Backhouse's avatar

Aside from my weekly grocery shop, I'll happily wade through the on-line swamp if that's what it takes to get exactly what I want delivered right to the door...

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Sam Colt's avatar

But there’s something so sensual and satisfying about stroking a tomato at the grocery store!

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Paul Backhouse's avatar

Not the tomato fetish, but the use-by-date scavenge...

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Kit's avatar

Naw, who are we kidding, I shop at Hot Topic. Gotta wear socks with skulls and rock some Goth Hello Kitty to be truly emo while eating the giant cookie.

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Sam Colt's avatar

Acceptable emo night attire

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Tina Stolberg's avatar

YES! Thank you for getting all of OUR frustrations out! Add to your list the captcha, legally binding agreements that require a Stanford law degree to decipher, encrypted customer service phone numbers only to enter the third circle of hell known as voice prompts when you finally find it!

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Sam Colt's avatar

Legal contracts written by Chat GPT set to go on forever

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Prosopon's avatar

I like how te recreated the experience of the sales associate glued to you, even after you politely told them you don’t need their help, by adding an AI chat that pop up while you try to click somewhere.

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Sam Colt's avatar

Or the pop up ads that you can’t close and just clutter up half the page so you can’t see what you’re actually there to buy.

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Marg KJ's avatar

Great fucking (excuse me) article! Every time I go online to shop I have to smack myself in the head and get in my car to shop!

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Sam Colt's avatar

Swearing is allowed here haha

Yeah the internet is just a mess now.

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