Not Like Us
Pat Mahomes is a system quarterback.
I have other stuff to talk to my therapist about, luckily, but there is a part of me that feels churlish and a little silly about indulging in the absolute beatdown the Chiefs experienced yesterday, especially as a Patriots fan. Yes, we’ve gotten somewhere between plenty and more than enough of premature Patrick Mahomes GOAT talk over recent years; yes, some of this grumpiness is surely due to the fact that there were more compelling and novel options that could’ve emerged from the AFC had they not shriveled in the spotlight and beat themselves. I refuse to feel wrong in my churlishness, but I should probably feel silly about my inability to get over the sports media’s decade-long blowjob they have given to the Chiefs—especially since Tom Brady couldn’t completely shake the system quarterback label until his famous 28-3 comeback against the Falcons and Mahomes stepped into quite possibly the best situation a young quarterback could be drafted into.
Most Super Bowls fade quickly from memory, but it takes a special sort of dud to tape over itself in real-time. Super Bowl LIV, for all the highlights it generated and the broader satisfaction that came with watching the Chiefs get their asses thoroughly beaten, was more or less erasing itself as it happened. By the time it finally lapsed into whatever Rob Lowe-hosted game show that followed it on FOX, it was pretty much gone and now formerly giddy Kansas City fans now have to face the fact that Patrick Mahomes is now 0-3 in the postseason when Tom Brady is in the same building.
I don’t get how someone who’s supposed to be better than TB12 couldn’t overcome a 24-point deficit with a full half. And, for what it’s worth, when Joe Biden was in the White House, the Chiefs couldn’t lose in the playoffs. Donald Trump became the first sitting president to attend a Super Bowl, and harmony and morale have been restored to the NFL. As we turn to the Chiefs’s miserable, embarrassing performance, and more squarely to the precipice of the first three-peat in NFL history, this game only felt exciting when the two-time defending champions went down by four scores.
Even when the Patriots were trailing 28-3 against the Falcons, Brady passed for 179 yards in the first half, with a drive of 41 that ended in a punt, 53 that ended in a fumble, 52 that ended in an interception, and 52 that ended in a field goal. The Chiefs punted after 12, punted after 7, punted after 7, an interception after -6, punted after -6, an interception after 0, and punted after -1. The Eagles had more points than the Chiefs had yards in the first half.
Brady never had a no-show in the Super Bowl like this. His three Super Bowl loss margins total 15 points (3, 4, and 8) while Mahomes’ two Super Bowl loss margins total 40 points (22 and 18). And that differential doesn’t account for how the Bucs and Eagles actively stopped trying to score by the third quarter and the Philly trotted out their practice squad players in the waning minutes of the fourth quarter and had Kenny Pickett run out the clock.
With the Chiefs being blown out in such a horrific manner, Mahomes needs two more wins to get back into faint GOAT consideration, especially since he was blown out by the Brady-led Buccaneers in Super Bowl LV, and lost to the Patriots in the 2018 AFC Championship. Two of KC’s wins came against the world’s worst playoff choker, Kyle Shanahan, and they emerge as a wimpy facsimile of themselves when pitted against a coach who doesn’t shit themselves on the world’s biggest stage. This loss should force a serious reappraisal of where the Chiefs stand as an all-time dynasty. Three wins in five years is still a huge achievement, but when you look at who they beat and how they won, compared to these crushing defeats, it looks much less pretty.
After a season of 17 one-score wins, most of which involved a streak of improbable lucky bounces, there has never been a team more deserving to get their asses handed to them in a Super Bowl than the Chiefs. But as a foremost expert on Boston fan derangement, it is nice to see the NFL receive a necessary reminder of how dominant the Patriots were for two decades.
I have no positive feelings about the Patriots, but Tommy is the GOAT and it's not close. His win with Tampa Bay and the Pats's subsequent implosion is the kind of random-controlled trial we rarely get IRL and it proved definitive.
Objectively, Mahomes is already a top-10 QB all-time and still could achieve GOAT status. But he's looked washed the past two years -- the Chiefs have been carried by an elite defense -- and he was finally (finally!) punished for his reckless play. The pick-six on his throw across his body into the middle of the field has been seven fucking years in the making.
My wife is a nascent Chiefs fan (she's from Missouri and got into football when we met) and I'm pretty neutral on the franchise overall. That said, last night they definitely got what they deserved.
I’m not gonna sit here and argue that Tom Brady isn’t the GOAT. Clearly he is. And that’s coming from a long-suffering 40+ year Dolphins fan. Having said that, I’m not sure that Brady, even in his prime, would have had much success against that Eagles pass rush.
Mahomes was under pressure for about 2/3 of his drop backs. Even with his quick pass ability and his ability to scramble, the Eagles were getting to him all night with only a four man pass rush, leaving 7 in coverage. He also wasn’t helped by some of his receivers with drops at important moments. As the game became one dimensional due to the large lead, with Mahomes needing to pass on every drive, it only became worse.
Honestly, I’m happy the Chiefs lost as I’ve been tired of them for some time. Despite being a Dolphins fan, I was hoping for a Bills-Commanders SB (with the Commanders winning of course). But ultimately, when I’m watching the Super Bowl I usually prefer to see a great game, which this wasn’t.