When That Sext Game Is Galaxy-Brain
This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.
The ellipses flicker within the tiny grey text bubble as I wait several minutes for his response. I’m sure it will be written with tact and taste, proper punctuation, with a tone of sincerity that is both stern and supportive to match the dire stakes. We’ve only been seeing each other for a month or so, wading through the vast murky morass that exists between “friends with benefits” and committed relationship. News of my father passing away might be a heavy topic, perhaps a bit premature, to broach at this stage of this nascent fling. But if he rises to this occasion, this could be the spark that turns this potential romance into full ignition.
“What a coincidence… 😏 I’m at half-chub. Be over in 30.”
What the actual fuck? Aside from the completely tone-deaf response, what took him so long to craft this D-tier sext? Did he struggle to find the winky face and instead opt for the smirking emoji? How could he be so callous, so heartless, so horrifically horny? I check my phone to see how this whole text exchange could fly so perversely off the rails.
Sent at 1:55 AM: “I need you SO bad right now. Seriously, this is an EMERGENCY!!!”
Maybe some context would’ve been appropriate.
I'm just old enough to where these might have been (gulp) 1:55 AM phone calls.
These "perils of being a young person" posts always make me so happy to be a decaying, middle-aged dad.