"Hey There! Happy Holidays!"
Actually, no.
From: ashton.weber@madmen.com
To: sam.colt@madmen.com
Time: December 16 at 2:35 PM
Subject: HOLD: Brief on February 2025 Social Posts
Hey Ashton!
I see you scheduled a brief for this Friday at 3:30 PM to work on the February social calendar. With several projects with more immediate deadlines, it makes more sense to regroup on this in the new year. By then, we should have our current assingments wrapped up and we can give this the focus and attention it deserves.
Best,
Sam
TRANSLATION:
From: ashton.weber@madmen.com
To: sam.colt@madmen.com
Time: December 16 at 2:35 PM
Subject: HOLD: Brief on February 2025 Social Posts
Fuck off Ashton…
Why are you briefing me on a new fucking project right before the holidays? At 3:30 PM on a Friday—do you actually expect me to start this at 4? Were you one of those roller backback dorks that begged the teacher for more homework? Do you think that I can’t see through your completely unsubtle attempt to offload the work from your plate at the expense of wasting my time? Do you not understand normal human behavior?
As you are likely aware, I am mentally checked out until 2025 and will be unable to address this new request until then. Moving forward, I will be treating “EOD” as End of December. If you have any questions, that’s unfortunate.
And when we return in January, I will be so overwhelmed with all the things we saved for the new year that I will need an extension on this deadline.
If you respond with anything other than a rescheduled meeting, I will report this to HR has a hostile work environment.
Yours in malicious compliance,
Sam
"Dear Sam: why are you employed by these buffoons, other than to earn a living?"