In these tales, it’s always uncles who say fucked up shit. In my family, they’re called brothers. All three voted for the orangey insurrectionist rapist in chief. Pass the stuffing 🤦🏼♀️
This line though: "They find themselves walking into a Rite Aid and descending into some Cornholio-style rant about Reese’s cups shaped like Christmas trees"
I won't decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. We barely decorate for Halloween (just do it for the kids). And I just can't get behind my neighbors who bother with inflatable turkeys on their lawns during the short jaunt between Hallow's Eve and Christ's Mas. Seems like a waste of good air to me.
I just accept that Christmas, like pretty much anything under neoliberal capitalism, is going to be overtly and overly commercialized. I just try to find the enjoyment through all the bullshit. It also helps that I work in advertising, so I'm kinda numb to all of it at this point.
Me: Haha! Yeah! F*ck those guys.
Also me: (quietly deletes a bunch of tweets railing against Costco for putting Christmas stuff out a month ago).
To be fair, I lose my mind when I see pumpkin beer and hard ciders in mid-August. Who wants a pumpkin beer when its 90 and sunny?
Monsters, that’s who.
Or Californians.
In these tales, it’s always uncles who say fucked up shit. In my family, they’re called brothers. All three voted for the orangey insurrectionist rapist in chief. Pass the stuffing 🤦🏼♀️
Yikes.
This line though: "They find themselves walking into a Rite Aid and descending into some Cornholio-style rant about Reese’s cups shaped like Christmas trees"
The needed TP for their bunghole. Instead, they found existential despair.
I won't decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. We barely decorate for Halloween (just do it for the kids). And I just can't get behind my neighbors who bother with inflatable turkeys on their lawns during the short jaunt between Hallow's Eve and Christ's Mas. Seems like a waste of good air to me.
I have never seen Thanksgiving decorations. Didn’t even know that was a thing. Now I’ll be on the lookout for inflatable turkeys lol
Great article! It had my laughing out loud. The soggy bread getting shoved up the turkey’s ass was my favorite observation lol 😂
all the best this Q4 📈
Sorry, your holiday bonus was used as part of a down payment for the CEO's fifth yacht. We appreciate you being a team player.
So you're saying it's okay to cryogenically thaw Mariah Carey each year as early as August?
If it brings about autumnal harmony, then it must be done.
As long as this eventually becomes the official anthem for Xmas everywhere, I'm down: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU
Mariah's going back in that icebox come January 10th, though.
Along with all those dang Christmas lights!
Mmmmmm.... iced Xmas lights....
I just accept that Christmas, like pretty much anything under neoliberal capitalism, is going to be overtly and overly commercialized. I just try to find the enjoyment through all the bullshit. It also helps that I work in advertising, so I'm kinda numb to all of it at this point.