Your Career is More Important than Literally Everything
This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.
The entire company erupts into rapturous applause as Ryan’s name was called after he was simultaneously awarded “Most Improved Employee” and granted a nifty promotion. He basks in the natural light beaming in from the wall-sized windows, serving as a metaphorical spotlight while the gaze of the entire staff meeting fixates on his accomplishment. He smiles and graciously accepts and does a sappy spiel about how great it is to work here with wonderful people who help him be his best self. It’s a precious moment. I’m happy for him, even if a bit of jealousy seeps into my bloodstream; all of the cultural conditioning asserts that something like a trivial office feat should impact my self-esteem.
You won this one today, Ryan. But COVID is coming for you. And the wildfires. And the ocean fires. And the collapsing buildings. And the rising sea levels. Think about that when you update your LinkedIn, you glossy bitch.