The Nihilist's Way to Carving Pumpkins
What's the point of even reading this?
It is Halloween season, and this time, I will participate in the annual ritual of spookifying my domicile by carving out ghoulish-looking Jack-‘o’-Lanterns with my partner. It reminds me that I’m free to defy societal conformity and express myself in whichever way I choose. But it all leads to a bunch of fucking pointless pumpkins.
I typically spend this insipid holiday dressing up in a giant Elmo costume and getting arrested for urinating all over an elementary school playground, because I am embracing the life of the absurd. Instead, this year, I have decided to adopt the power of habit and craft. Spend time with my loved one. Take on a hobby that fulfills her—even if it’s completely moronic. Use the knife and carve with precision, with intent, with purpose. Stare into the void and face the anguish of choosing who to become.
I twist and widdle and stab this pumpkin for an hour, thinking that life is empty, followed by several minutes of strolling around my girlfriend’s nondescript front porch, reminding myself that life is also a disorienting hellhole that defies all explanation.
The Jack-‘o’-lantern is complete, a grimacing and wretched decoration. He will sit on my stoop for weeks, slowly rotting, until he is forgotten. Only this way will my girlfriend begin to understand the futility of all things.
The meme does it for me. 🙄😂
You may have widdled in the playground but you whittle a pumpkin. Then you can widdle in it, if you desire. No kink shaming.