All the companies that paid big money for Super Bowl ads are punching the air right now.
Online leftists are realizing that being constantly contrarian backfires as often as it pays off. They simply bury themselves in another layer of irony to shield themselves from being wrong about the Ukraine situation. Someone snarks, “I think Ukraine is taking the real L here,” and they are met with, “Can you not? We’re trying to make this about us!”
Right-wing boomers on Facebook post “ARE YOU TRIGGERED??” repeatedly in libidinal giddy after Russian missiles blow up a Ukrainian hospital that treats children with leukemia.
In a press conference, Joe Biden says, “Who in the lord's name does Putin—think—gives him the right to declare? New so-called…” When someone comments our president’s brain is egg yolk leaking out of his years, a torrent of New York Times op-eds are unleashed. They accuse Biden’s critics of ableism and ageism against neurodivergent elderly people of advanced age, assuming the president has dementia, WHICH HE DEFINITELY DOES NOT.
China issues a vague statement that is neither a condemnation nor approval, something like, “Russia certainly did the things they did and we recognize what happened are events that transpired.”
Then Reuters responds by reporting: "World leaders expressed near-universal outrage at the invasion, with China, which signed a friendship treaty with Russia three weeks ago, a notable exception. Beijing reiterated a call for all parties to exercise restraint and rejected a description of Russia's action as an invasion."
Social media blows up with ads headlined, “Take this quiz about your favorite Starbucks drink and we’ll tell you where you should stand on the Russia-Ukraine war! CLICK HERE.” Then, 30-second videos of Russian soldiers dabbing on Ukrainian POWs flood TikTok.
Histrionics fretting over the dawn of World War III becomes every nihilist’s personal Afghanistan.
Guys! We’re all meeting at 10:15 am to go to see the giant baby Trump balloon protest. Please be early and PLEASE remember your starting spots because we want the flashmob to run smoothly this time. @Greg @Jenna I think you two are bringing the confetti guns. I say 10:15 because the Handmaid’s Tale flashmob group is eager to commence at 10:45 so we need to do ours PROMPTLY and finish up by 10:40
@Squad B - we want to be packing up soon after that because we have to get a bus to the Xi Jinping - Winnie the Poo protest. @Scottie I think you’re bringing the banner. That'll all wrap up at about midday and then we can walk to the Gay Putin protest. I think that's a more casual one so if you can make it, you can make it. We’re going to be wearing some pretty outrageous camp stuff and really “fruiting it up” because Putin hates that, so don’t be afraid to get a little “thathy!” (sassy)