POV: Your Girlfriend Asks You a Question
There are no right answers.
GIRLFRIEND: “I’m gonna ask you a question, but I promise I won’t get mad.”
ME: “What is it?
GIRLFRIEND: “If you could sleep with one of my friends, who would it be?”
ME: “I’d rather not.”
GIRLFRIEND: “I won’t get mad.”
ME: “You promise?”
GIRLFRIEND: “Yes, I promise!”
ME: “Okay. Uh, Brooke…”
GIRLFRIEND: “Brooke?”
ME: “Yeah.”
GIRLFRIEND: “Really?”
ME: “Mmhmm…”
GIRLFRIEND: “That’s not who I thought you would say… But, Brooke. Really?”
ME: “Yeah. She’s hot.”
GIRLFRIEND: “Yeah, I know she’s hot! I’m just saying I thought you would’ve answered differently…”
ME: “Like how?”
GIRLFRIEND: “Like that you would never sleep with any other woman.”
ME: “But that wasn’t your question.”
GIRLFRIEND: “IT DOESN’T MATTER!!”
ME: “You just said you weren’t going to get mad.”
GIRLFRIEND: “I’M NOT GETTING MAD!”
ME: “You sound mad.”
GIRLFRIEND: “I’M NOT MAD!”
ME: “Why do you ask me these stupid questions if you can’t handle the answer?”
GIRLFRIEND: “I dunno… I keep thinking you’d be a more thoughtful and considerate person, but I guess I keep getting disappointed.”
ME: “What do you mean? You just asked who I would sleep with that’s your friend. Brooke is hot.”
GIRLFRIEND: “It’s honestly pretty sus that you answered Brooke so quickly. You just had that one loaded and ready to go. Guess you’ve been thinking about hooking up with her for a while…”
ME: “I was just trying to answer your question that I didn’t even want to answer in the first place.”
GIRLFRIEND: “Okay, what about my other friends?”
ME: “Who? Jade? I’d hook up with Jade too, probably.”
GIRLFRIEND: “You’re disgusting! I DON’T THINK ABOUT ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS THAT WAY!”
ME: “Really? So there are literally no other men in the world you think about that way?”
GIRLFRIEND: “I mean, if I had to… your friend Jackson is pretty cute.”
ME: “Yeah, I know… You told me that as soon as you met him.”
GIRLFRIEND: “…and your friend Brendan.”
ME: “Brendan too? What the fuck?”
GIRLFRIEND: “I’m not gonna lie, he’s pretty sexy.”
ME: “I hate this.”
GIRLFRIEND: “You owe me an apology!”
ME: “For what?”
GIRLFRIEND: “For preemptively cheating on me with my friends. You’ve basically thought about it.”
ME: “This is like that time you wanted me to apologize for cheating on you in a dream you had…”
GIRLFRIEND: “Yeah, you should! And I still haven’t received an apology or flowers for that. You should assume that you should always be sorry.”
ME: “No. And you think about sleeping with my friends.”
GIRLFRIEND: “This household is a matriarchy.”
ME: “…”
GIRLFRIEND: “Anyways, Sweetgreens is doing a 2-for-1 sale on Uber Eats. Maybe this would be a great way to make it up to me…”
This is why I don't get involved in these kind of relationships.
I will admit women search for stuff to get pissed off
about. Or we will load up on the many small instances of hurt or not paid enough attention to, and dare you to aggravate us, so we can let it all out.
But, maybe, we just need more attention.