POV: Your friend wants to go to a beer festival
It'll be awesome!
My dude, are you down to go to BeerFest?
It’s in an asphalt parking lot next to a bank. Wristbands are $50 and it comes with a tasting glass. It’s supposed to be 96 degrees by 10 AM. Absolutely zero shade and the UV index is 11+…
Yeah, man, it’ll be sick. There’s gonna be unattended aggressive dogs and screaming children everywhere and they’ll be hogging all the yard games.
There will be some live bands. Two of them will be doing poorly done classic rock covers. The third one will be just as bad, but the singer will rant about “kids these days” and “real music” and make some stupid joke about millennials posting selfies and eating avocado toast. And the last band is called “Frunk,” and they only play acoustic banjos and spoons.
There’s two food trucks and they’ll be out of the opposite things—one has overpriced burgers but no fries, and the other one has overpriced fries but no burgers. So you’ll be stuck ordering an impossible burrito with lactose-free cheese. It’ll be at least a 45-minute wait for food, and tip options are 25%, 30%, and 40%.
Make sure you bring a lawn chair because we will be sitting on grass. We had a huge thunderstorm last night, so you’ll get muddy and your chair will sink into the ground.
There’s one porta-potty with a line, and a vendor that sells jars of honey for $39.
Brothers Fellow is tapping an imperial stout made from sawdust. If you don’t like beer, they have an amazing guava mint raspberry pomegranate root beer that’s flat directly out of the tap and tastes like pure corn syrup.
The only drink they have that isn’t beer is Dasani bottled water that’s been baking in the sun the entire day (it’s $6).
My uncle is coming too, if that’s cool. He’s pretty chill for the most part, but after six beers, he gets pretty racist and likes to make suggestive comments to every server to make it even more uncomfortable. OH, you’ll have to park on the other side of town as well, but they have shuttle service and all of the shuttles will go to lunch right when you get there and right when you’re leaving, so you’ll probably just have to walk back.
But trust me bro, it’ll be great!
Sure, sounds fun…
This sounds so accurate 😆