People Who Walk Their Dog(s) While On the Phone with You
Here's what you sound like.
Yeah, so wait… so wait… How does that… how does that? Hold on… Hold on… WHISKEY! Hold on… WHISKEY! WHISKEY! It’s a bike, Whiskey! You know what a bike is. WHISKEY! You know what a bike—WHISKEY! Whiskey… Whiskey… it’s a bike. Yeah, ok, sorry. Yeah, a bike just went by.
Ok, so you got some big news. Spill the tea. WHISKEY! You just peed there. Yeah, sorry—he’s just… yeah, Whiskey, you’re sniffing your own pee. Yeah, this is your territory, Whiskey. No one’s gonna fuck with you. Does your pee smell good? Ok, let’s… come on, Whiskey!
So you were saying it’s about… hold on. Hi! Yeah, he’s friendly. Yeah, he’s a resigstered therapy dog. Yeah, he’s—uh-huh, yeah, he helps people with mood disorders. Yeah, people just pet him, yeah… he LOVES belly rubs—he’s such a sweet boy. Yeah, it’s such a beautiful day. Yeah. The weather’s been so nice. Ok. Yeah, take care. See ya! Sorry, we just ran into someone with a such a cute Shiba Inu. Did Whiskey just make a friend?? I think Whiskey just made a new friend! Everybody loves Whiskey. That’s so funny.
Yeah, so, what’s going on… Is it something serious. Just… WHISKEY! Don’t eat the pizza crust! You’re not a trash beagle! Yeah, so… sorry… hang on, sorry, just have to grab this out of his mouth. You know how he gets around food.
Sorry. Anyway, what were you saying? Your mom just had an aneuryism? Fuck, dude. Oh my god, I’m so…
WHISKEY! GET THAT GOOSE POO OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!
LOL When it's true, it's the funniest. Loved this.
One of the funniest—not funny—short essays I’ve read. God I’ve encountered sooooo many of these idiots in my days. Even worse than those with their speakers on—is the headphone-wearing, YouTube watching idiots who can’t hear the cars, people, or other dogs approaching until they’re right on top of them—and then they suddenly freak out. Which is of course great for the dog 😳