Lunch Bowls May Be the Quintessential American Meal
This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.
Given how much airspace/headspace is devoted to the slow-motion car crash that is this rancid American moment, it is refreshing to discuss the connective tissue that holds this nation together. These tendrils supposedly bind each citizen toward the ostensible goal of building a more free and perfect union. In practice, America’s unifying force is the daily noontime communion of adults popping out of their offices and shelling out $15 for assorted food tossed into a bowl. The theme could be Mexican or Mediterranean. Sometimes, “vegetables” will suffice.
The reasons why Americans engage in this ritual are manifold, although they can be accurately summed up by the words, “brain disease.” However, the main focus here is our addiction to selecting a base, picking a few sides, and choosing from a list of protein options. A rush of giddy adrenaline zips through us when we answer the question, “Black or pinto?”
The most striking thing about arriving at the end of the line is how familiar it feels. It is a little dispiriting to constantly witness my pending appetite satiation overcome by a sense of humiliation and dread, especially when I am required to stick my credit card inside an iPad.
It’ll ask if I want an emailed receipt, and even when I select yes, I still wonder whether it is necessary to receive tangible and irrefutable documentation of my genius decision to combine sweet potato with cucumber. Never ask for a printed receipt—there is no need to bring paper and ink into this.
This whole process is already tedious and shamelessly crass, so the cashier piles on my mounting self-disgust by flipping the iPad screen back to me, which requests a customary tip. The brief mental calculus that follows is a tense tiptoeing of the tightrope between leaving a tip and an uncertainty of what the rate is. Many Americans have a stubborn, if not delusional, self-conception of their undeniable generosity toward the working class, but at our core, we’re hoping 15% is in the middle of the pre-selected options.
When Steve Jobs invented the iPad, he had grand dreams of how it would innovate our approach to science and art.
Instead, the iPad has revolutionized how we buy burrito bowls at Chipotle.