Keeping It Real at the Grocery Store
This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.
I stand before a vast selection of granola in the snack aisle—Maple Sea Salt, Cranberry Almond, Coconut Spice, Lemon Blueberry, Cinnamon Raisin, Honey Oat, Apple Blueberry—an endless expanse of my daily source of fiber. I deliberate for a solid few minutes, unsure of what flavor I would like to kick off my mornings this week. Another woman enters my vicinity, a stunning and well-heeled type.
She is polished and preened, hair coiffed with expensive-looking athleisure that has molded to her sculpted body like a recently-applied coat of Flex Seal. A Gucci bag is situated snugly on the hook of her right elbow. Ugh, the pomposity of this woman, or really any rich and snooty woman at the grocery store. She needs to be taken down a peg, so I approach her to engage in what could be described as a lady neg.
“Excuse me, are you the manager?”
Her jaw drops as if it was an elevator with its cables severed. She hurries away without saying a word. Some may describe this as jealousy, or acting out of intimidation, or petty, or passive-aggressive, or a feminist war crime. I like to think of myself as an egalitarian just keeping things real.
At one of the check-out lines, I see a petulant child throwing a tantrum. I will stare at them and mock cry too.
These are people whose basic theme is, "Whatever I'm doing is more important than whatever you're doing, at any given moment."
Again, hilarious. Another cause for a meltdown: How dare you put your cart just where my crunchy oats are! And they huff and puff and give you icy stare. I always wait an extra minute and say, "oh, did you want to get in here?"