"I'm Happy to Jump on a Call!"
This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.
I conclude my email with, “Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me,” even though both I and Sarah from accounts know this is a pantomime of pleasantries, a charade masking the low-key homicidal urges and low-flying panic attacks buried under HR-sanctioned behaviors.
Please DO hesitate to reach out to me, rethink your decision, and contact an intern. We’re not paying them in “experience” just to pad their FitBit stats each time they fetch us a latte.
Half an hour later, Sarah sends a follow-up notifying me that the client hates the entire campaign idea and we’ll need a completely new pitch done by tomorrow morning. “Can you stay late and help out?” she politely inquires, as if I can really say “no.”
“Of course! I’d be happy to help.” I die a little on the inside.