If You Knew Me In My 20s...
This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.
PLOT TWIST: In Season 2, she develops a crippling bath salts addiction, and is exiled from her wine mom reading club because her peers learned that one time while tweaking, she tried to murder someone with a Charcuterie Board during a Home Owner’s Association dispute.
She then takes up a job as a cashier at the local gas station and is lured into an intimate relationship with a schizophrenic welfare bum who spends his free time yelling Bible hymns at roadside crows. While they were both high and having a spastic Sock ‘Em Bopper session that ostensibly approximates intercourse, he used a Snickers wrapper as a condom. She gets very preggers and tries to abort it, but nevertheless, the baby persists. One night for dinner, this man offers to grab takeout from Red Lobster and is never seen again.
Season 3 begins as a redemption arc. The fulfilling human experience of watching a first-born child blossom inspired our protagonist to overcome her demons and drug addiction to become a well-adjusted, nurturing mother. Her love and care and affection for this child was the spiritual anchor of a life on a steady upswing. But, SURPRISE, the estranged father returns and injects her with heroin and crack and calls child protective services and they snatch her firstborn from her caring arms. Dejected and sobbing alone in the fetal position in her living room, she is then overcome with palpable dread: The only remaining thing she has to look forward to is death.
Season 4: She wins election as a local councilwoman, and in exchange for her voting against basic zoning codes and labor laws, she solicits bribes in the form of AIG windbreakers and gift cards to Red Lobster.