I Love You, But I'll Always Love The Office More
This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.
“When I said I was looking for the Jim for my Pam on my Hinge profile, it wasn’t just a quirky answer to prompt your mediocre opening text. It is the guiding star that illuminates my dating goals. When you responded with, 'TOTALLY! I vibe with that,' I assumed we shared reciprocal life values, that this meant something to you. I really do see Pam Beasley as my spiritual kin: We’re both quirky, kinda sky, no-nonsense but amiable, quirky, artistic, and quirky. At first, I really did see the Jim Halpert in you. You are quirky, spontaneous, a jokester, quirky, easygoing, fluent in sarcasm, and quirky. But your smug and dismissive comment is something I’m not sure if I can ever overlook. I’ve binged The Office at least 9 times. I question your commitment, not just to our relationship, but to bettering yourself as a human. I won’t break up with you, because if I’ve learned anything from The Office, it’s that there’s always a wholesome lesson to be learned. But you are on thin ice. I'm downgrading you from Jim to Kevin.”