How to Tell Someone's Generation by their Bio

An in-depth sociological exploration.

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It is too bright a line or clear a distinction given what I’m talking about, but broadly speaking, there are Instagram bios that clearly summarize who a person is or what their profile is about and ones that are an inscrutable hodgepodge of hobbies, acronyms, and emojis. The latter type of bio tends to be only ambiently associated with the photos that land on their grids, a sort of free-jazz collage in which loosely congruent narratives of the self talk over each other. I honestly can’t tell how many people aspire to write bios like e.e. cummings with Tourette’s, and I also can’t quite tell how they’re writing it—ironically, meta-ironically, in the same straight-faced and quietly berserk way that millions of Americans would indulge in a Ben Shapiro rap video.

But as a chunk of true tonal/cultural weirdness, you can accurately pinpoint someone’s age by snooping their Instagram account and reading how they describe themselves in a pithy summary.

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Boomers

Their bio will have a bunch of paw emojis and say how they “luv life,” and then you’ll see them in the comments somewhere saying something absolutely reprehensible about a minority.

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Gen X

If they aren’t still languishing on Facebook, most of their bios will be empty, just like their apathetic souls.

The ones who managed to write one will find a way to mention either subtly or overtly that they grew up in the 70s and 80s and had the best childhoods ever.

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Millennial

Since Instagram removed the geo-tag, Millennials have been overcompensating by listing five different abbreviations for states that they’ve traveled to—even if they were there for a wedding or laid over in an airport. They’ll put everything in there: Idaho has my heart, TX, NYC, CA, and I’ve been to 23 countries and counting ✈️

This is a bio, not the Amazing Race.

There are also dudes in their 30s who live in NYC or LA who would list “comedy writer/songwriter” on their Insta. They are definitely a party clown.

Some manage to change the fonts somehow and always list their husband’s name with the 💍 emoji.

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Gen Z

Their bios are bussin fr fr

Most of the ones I see are a series of emojis before they list half a dozen obscure sexualities.

Then, they tally every mental illness they’ve ever had. Their blurbs read less like a bio and more like a survey the doctor gives you to fill out in the waiting room. And there’s always going to be one acronym you’ve never seen with a Roman numeral after it. I have no idea if this is a mental illness or a bible verse. After reading a few of these, I reach over to my bedside table to look them up, because I always keep my DSM-V right beside my Bible. Just kidding, no Bible.

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