It's Important to Set Goals and Hold Ourselves Accountable

And the ancients explain why. Listen to the ancients.

Dec 18, 2023

I will be turning 32 on Christmas Eve, which is not looking great for me to write and record a platinum record and then go on a world tour and DJ a set with Steve Aoki by the time I turn 33. If I don’t achieve my life’s dreams by then, I hope two topless Viking women cleave me with an axe, grab me by each arm, and run in opposite directions until I’m ripped in half. We have to set lofty goals and be held accountable. For if I die, it shall be because I failed to live. Otherwise, one day I will be 35, and the next day, my car is on fire and there’s no driver at the wheel, and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides as a dark wind blows.

Anyways, my girlfriend is worried about me. I don’t have any heart problems or mental illnesses of note, but I’m just getting old. She’s noticed me talking about how I want to see Rage Against the Machine perform live while I still have the chance. Or how it’s a sign of “onset cognitive decline” to share memories of having a good time with my friends back when I was in my 20s. She’s a year younger than me, and she’s worried she will sound like this when she’s talking about Taylor Swift when she turns 32.

Time is running out and the window of my prime is closing in on me. It is important to set goals for ourselves. Marcus Aurelius once said, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your ~~thoughts~~ goals.” Remember the ancients. Some people’s goal in life is just to have as much fun as possible, but it’s not as simple as it sounds.

We need to have big goals to anchor our ambitions and desires, but it is equally important to set small and medium goals. Five-year plans are easy, but I want to know your five-day plan, your five-minute plan, your five-second plan. My five-year plan is to monetize This is a Newsletter! My five-day plan is to forget the one who got away. My five-minute plan is to delete my search history. My five-second plan is to look for more pictures of her.