Really nice piece. I'm not much of a baseball fan but I always said I'd love to be commish of MLB over the other major leagues. Lot of room for improvement once you dismiss the joyless pearl-clutchers and anachronistic meatheads.
I think baseball's evolution is yet another example of our collective attention span's atrophy. Our "focus muscles" are super duper wimpy, and they get a little smaller every year (present company excluded!).
I think it can be both an indictment on our state, and better for the game. It's all about getting newer audiences involved, anyway, not folks who are used to the speed of sludge.
I just assume based on my entire family that suburban Boomers have nothing better to do than watch Fox News all day and get unreasonably mad about pronouns or green M&M's not having big enough titties or whatever. They can afford to watch 5-hour baseball games lol.
All you really have to do if you're bored is just intersperse a tiny lil' bit of hate in there between pitches, just a little glimpse at Facebook or whatever boomers are looking at these days.
"Goddamnit, that was a ball! Baseball is getting woke now saying balls and strikes are social constructs. All this postmodern neo-Marxist nonsense is ruining the game! Speaking of, I can't believe AOC is personally transitioning children by flying them into open-air prisons in Williamsburg and surgically attaching flesh lights onto their foreheads!"
Strike 3
"LET'S GO BRANDON!! WHERE ARE MY FELLOW PATRIOTS READY TO GO 1776 ON THE WHITE HOUSE!!"
Really nice piece. I'm not much of a baseball fan but I always said I'd love to be commish of MLB over the other major leagues. Lot of room for improvement once you dismiss the joyless pearl-clutchers and anachronistic meatheads.
Honestly, I'm a big supporter of bringing steroids back. I want every dude to be built like an NFL middle linebacker just cranking 600-foot bombs.
I think baseball's evolution is yet another example of our collective attention span's atrophy. Our "focus muscles" are super duper wimpy, and they get a little smaller every year (present company excluded!).
Yeah, I was skeptical about the pitch clock, but it has been good for the game.
I think it can be both an indictment on our state, and better for the game. It's all about getting newer audiences involved, anyway, not folks who are used to the speed of sludge.
I just assume based on my entire family that suburban Boomers have nothing better to do than watch Fox News all day and get unreasonably mad about pronouns or green M&M's not having big enough titties or whatever. They can afford to watch 5-hour baseball games lol.
All you really have to do if you're bored is just intersperse a tiny lil' bit of hate in there between pitches, just a little glimpse at Facebook or whatever boomers are looking at these days.
Strike 2
"Goddamnit, that was a ball! Baseball is getting woke now saying balls and strikes are social constructs. All this postmodern neo-Marxist nonsense is ruining the game! Speaking of, I can't believe AOC is personally transitioning children by flying them into open-air prisons in Williamsburg and surgically attaching flesh lights onto their foreheads!"
Strike 3
"LET'S GO BRANDON!! WHERE ARE MY FELLOW PATRIOTS READY TO GO 1776 ON THE WHITE HOUSE!!"
"The Guardians will always be Indians to me!"