A Day In the Life on the Internet

This post contains lethal doses of sarcasm if read irresponsibly.

We’re all being overdramatic.

We’re imprisoned in a constant state of hyperbole.

Every minor inconvenience is a threat to society.

Every interpersonal interaction is a reflection of a larger social phenomenon.

Every personality type is overanalyzed and labeled into oblivion.

Every hobby has endless discourse on whether it’s even ethical to engage in.

This is how the internet works.

None of us are above it.

People want to watch loud idiots to either agree with or yell at them.

It’s easy to whip people up by pandering or rage-baiting.

Everything is an absolute. Nothing has nuance. I’m proving my point by typing this.

Scroll until you age into obscurity and lose touch with pop culture.

Everything that was once awesome sauce will eventually become cringe.

Our whole existence is a fad.

Impulse buy $300 of bespoke clothes from targeted Instagram ads.

Watch your bank account bleed from your 23 subscriptions.

Diagnose yourself with mental illnesses you don’t have.

Discover 16 amazing hikes from someone exploiting nature for clout.

Find an awesome new band and realize they stopped making music two decades ago.

Watch stand-up clips from comedians you’ve never heard of.

Watch your exes both wildly flourish and slowly implode over time.

Develop a parasocial relationship with celebrities who don’t know you exist.

Go on YouTube to learn how to unclog your gutters and end up watching alt-right propaganda.

We’re leveraging the same jokes, formats, narratives, and strategies: Man-on-the-street interviews, “She’s a 10, but…” jokes, videos of What It’s Like to Live In San Francisco as a 33-Year-Old Software Engineer.

Young people complaining about old people. Old people fumbling through shitty memes about young people.

Well-adjusted people don’t post online that much. When they do, it’s boring and it’s about their kid or their dog.

Shove yesterday’s information out and mash today’s information in.

Internalize the thoughts and emotions of thousands of different people in a one-hour time span.

Ensure you can’t sleep by overwhelming your brain with anxiety.

All you can do is disengage. Go outside and scream at the sun.

Damn, it’s too cold to go outside. Someone fight me in the comments.